Addiction - recovery your way?
What If Everything You’ve Been Told About Addiction Is Incomplete?
In honor of SAMHSA’s Substance Use Disorder Treatment Month, it’s the perfect time to rethink what we know about addiction and recovery.
For years, the recovery world has clung to a single story: total abstinence is the only way forward, and anything less means failure. Sure, abstinence works for some people, and it’s an incredible tool—but let’s be honest, it’s not the only way to heal. For too long, this rigid mindset has kept people stuck in shame and isolation. I’m Marla Newborn, a licensed therapist who’s spent decades working with addiction and recovery. I’ve walked this path both personally and professionally, and one thing I know for sure is this: healing doesn’t have to look like someone else’s definition of success. It’s time to rethink the outdated narratives and make room for approaches that actually work for real people.
Why Abstinence-Only Models Doesn’t Work for Everyone
Let’s get one thing straight: abstinence can be amazing. It gives people a chance to clear their heads, reset, and understand themselves without substances clouding things up. But here’s the problem—too often, abstinence gets treated like the only legitimate path. Programs like AA and NA have built a culture where if you “slip up,” you’re a failure. You have to start over, count your days again, and carry the weight of that so-called failure. And let’s talk about the stigma. Harm reduction tools like Suboxone or methadone have saved countless lives, but they’re still dismissed in many recovery circles as “just another drug.” This mindset leaves people feeling like they can’t trust the options that might actually help them. It creates a lose-lose situation where folks are stuck between shame and survival. How is that supposed to help anyone heal?
Here’s the truth: addiction thrives in isolation and shame. By turning recovery into an all-or-nothing game, we’re setting people up to fail. Recovery doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to move you forward.
Addiction Is About More Than Substances Here’s a reality check: addiction is almost never just about the substance. It’s about what’s underneath—the loneliness, the trauma, the unmet emotional needs that push people to numb the pain. Substances just happen to be one way people cope. As Gabor Maté explains in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, addiction isn’t the problem—it’s an attempt to solve the problem of deep emotional pain. That pain can stem from trauma, neglect, or even the chronic stress of feeling unseen or unheard. Until we address these underlying issues, the behaviors—whether it’s substance use, overeating, or doom scrolling—will keep finding new ways to show up. (Source)
Recovery isn’t just about stopping the behavior. It’s about healing the whole person. And that starts by respecting where someone is right now, rather than forcing them into a one-size-fits-all mold.
What Recovery Can Actually Look Like
Here’s the good news: recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all. In my practice, I focus on the truth—that every recovery journey is deeply personal. For some, abstinence is the right first step—it creates stability and space for reflection. For others, harm reduction might make more sense. Maybe it’s about cutting back in small, sustainable ways. Maybe it’s about exploring moderation without guilt or shame.
The key is progress, not perfection. Recovery isn’t a straight line, and it doesn’t have to fit into someone else’s box. Healing happens when we give people the tools to build self-compassion, curiosity, and understanding. It happens when we stop shaming people for their struggles and start supporting them in their unique journeys. Moving Beyond Outdated Models
Let’s be real: the world has changed, and it’s time for the recovery world to catch up. We can’t keep clinging to rigid frameworks from the 20th century and pretending they work for everyone. Programs like AA and NA can be life- changing—but they’re not the only answer. There’s room for harm reduction, moderation, medication, and more compassionate approaches. It’s not about choosing one path over the other—it’s about creating a recovery landscape that makes room for everyone.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by addiction—or by the shame and judgment of recovery models that just don’t fit—you’re not alone. Healing doesn’t have to look like abstinence, or 20 years of sobriety, or someone else’s definition of success. It can start wherever you are. Let’s start there.